My kind of God

Don’t get me wrong, I think it would be pretty awesome if there really was a god out there. I would prefer the kind that didn’t kill people for screwing before marriage and the kind that didn’t kill you for giving his ark a dirty look. Punishment would never exceed the crime and justice would be swift and fair for all parties. Homosexuals could do their thing without interference from right wing nuts. And this might be a shocker to my reader but abortion would be a thing of the past as god wouldn’t allow idiotic people that didn’t know what a condom was to get jiggy with it.(Admittedly, abortion is a fuzzy area when looking at it from the perspective of rape or incest) Yes, that would be a god worthy of praise. He wouldn’t expect you to call on him for every little stupid thing that happens to you either, but he would be gracious to offer assistance if you did. You wouldn’t be expected to praise him for hours on end, nor would you have to go to church to show how much of a good follower you were. He would understand if you didn’t want to talk for a while as most friends do, but still wish you the best and always be there to lend a hand if needed.

My god would talk to me audibly all the time and the book he gave me would make perfect sense morally, ethically and factually. Evolution would be included as a fact in the book. All the mysteries of the world would be explained in scientific language so you can actually believe what you’re reading. God wouldn’t care if you drank just as long as you did it responsibly. Yes, it would be a society of live and let live. God would reward those who did nice things to others with all sorts of cool things. Perhaps, he would provide a trip to the Caribbean or a new Lamborghini. Starvation would be a thing of the distant past and no child would die from lack of food. Animals would talk and hang out with you. Satan would not exist because we all know he is just a prick that the “real” god couldn’t take care of.

My god would be cool with any kind of music and any kind of movies since they are all only ENTERTAINMENT. My god would play games with me when I was bored, or he could take me to a different world so I could check it out and play with the unicorns. My god would abolish all diseases now and wouldn’t make us suffer for the sins of someone that we didn’t know in a friggin’ garden long ago. There would be no such thing as generational curses either. Dinosaurs would roam the earth and be cool as can be. Smoking pot would be perfectly legal, and anything else that didn’t interfere with other people’s rights. Bottom line, my god would kick ass, make sense, maintain logic and be a heck of a good conversationalist.